Pity is an emotion while compassion is both an emotion and a virtue

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Pity is the feeling of sympathy or sharing in the suffering of another human being or an animal, while compassion is the feeling of mercy, empathy, and a desire to help the suffering person or animal. … Pity is an emotion while compassion is both an emotion and a virtue.

Second, pity can carry a negative undertone because it involves implicit feelings of superiority: if I pity you, it means that I think you are worse off than me, and thus, I am doing better than you. … Third, you feel more Pity for someone if you think their misfortune is undeserved.

The Drama Triangle

The Drama Triangle was first described by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. It is a model of dysfunctional social interactions and illustrates a power game that involves three roles: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor. Each role represents a common and ineffective response to conflict.

I use the drama triangle in psychology to describe the insidious way in which we present ourselves as “victims,” “persecutors,” and “rescuers.” Although all three are ‘roles’ and none may be true to who we really are, we can all get caught in a cycle that is hard to escape.

Do You Play on Drama Triangle: Victim? Hero? Villain? Are you in Karpman Drama Triangle?

“…[D]rama-based leaders can instill an organizational culture of drama. Persecutors are more likely to be in leadership positions, and a persecutor culture goes hand in hand with cutthroat competition, fear, blaming, manipulation, high turnover, and an increased risk of lawsuits. There are also victim cultures which can lead to low morale and low engagement and an avoidance of conflict and rescuer cultures which is characterized as having a high dependence on the leader, low initiative and low innovation.”

Stuck on the Drama Triangle

When we see ourselves as victims or heroes, we automatically create villains in our conflicts. When we see (and treat) someone like a villain, they feel victimized by us and see us as the villain. Behaviors they consider self-defense, we experience as attacks and further evidence that we cannot trust or work with them. And the walls of judgment and justification thicken on both sides.

The drama triangle and its roles inevitably produce a win-lose approach to conflict. One person wins; the other must lose. No one likes to lose, and we will battle ferociously to avoid defeat. Even if one person loses the battle, the war is seldom over. The loser continues to seek justice and retribution. The cycle of revenge that underlies conflict persists and ultimately leads to a lose-lose situation.

“The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic)…recommends that the “victim” adopt the alternative role of creator, view the persecutor as a challenger, and enlist a coach instead of a rescuer.

Creator – victims are encouraged to be outcome-oriented instead of problem-oriented and take responsibility for choosing their response to life challenges. They should focus on resolving “dynamic tension” (the difference between current reality and the envisioned goal or outcome) by taking incremental steps toward the outcomes they are trying to achieve.

Challenger – a victim, is encouraged to see persecutors as a person (or situation) that forces the creator to clarify their needs and focus on their learning and growth.

Coach – a rescuer is to be encouraged to ask questions intended to help the individual to make informed choices. The critical difference between a rescuer and a coach is that the coach sees the creator as capable of making choices and solving their own problems. Therefore, a coach asks questions, enables the creator to see the possibilities for positive action, and to focus on what they do want instead of what they do not want.”

How do you break the Karpman drama triangle?

Escaping the Karpman Drama Triangle

Move to the center. …
Refuse to accept your opponent’s force. …
Refuse to be Superior or inferior because these roles require one person to be superior, right, good, and better than the other person, while the other person has to be inferior, wrong, bad, and worse. …
Stop The Poor Me Game.

From Adversaries to Partners

Two principles:

  1. Trust yourself enough to speak the truth as you see it.
  2. Trust others enough that they can deal with it.

When we live in the drama triangle, we see the other person as our adversary-the villain. If only they would change, we reason, things would be fine. Instead, they stand between us and happiness. Ironically, they are usually thinking the same thing about us. To resolve conflict, we need to relinquish our roles as victim, villain, and hero and work with the other person to solve the problem. If we need a villain, let it be the problem, not the person. The diagram below symbolizes this shift from the drama triangle to the circle of resolution.

Interestingly, the circle and triangle intersect not at the triangle’s three corners but in the middle on each side. Similarly, we must meet the other person in the middle. This doesn’t mean “splitting the difference.” Instead, it means telling them our story and listening to their story with curiosity. Such open communication fosters mutual understanding. This understanding provides a doorway through which we can exit the drama triangle and enter the resolution circle.

WE&P by: EZorrilla.

Wiki, google. Joyconflict.com

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